Lamar and Ron: The Really Odd Couple

Not a lot of people know this (nudge, nudge, wink, wink), but with Lamar Odom and Ron Artest now on the same team and both fancying themselves as media moguls of sorts, the two actually had a new reality comedy TV show developed about the two of them living together.  Somehow I managed to get my hands on the transcript from the pilot episode to see if it is going to be any good.

Narrator: “On July 2nd, Ron Artest was asked to remove himself from his place of residence.  That request came from Rockets GM Darryl Morey. Deep down, he knew signing with the Lakers was right, but he also knew that someday, he would might ruin them. With nowhere else to live in LA, he appeared at the home of his childhood friend, Lamar Odom.  Can two batshit insane basketball players share an apartment without driving each other crazy?”

Lamar: Hey, Ron, I really can’t thank you enough for letting me move in with you.  I know that you only just got to Los Angeles, so I really appreciate you opening your home to me.

Ron: No problem, man.  Mi casa es su casa, bro.  But I have been meaning to ask, why is it you had to move in with me?  Didn’t you just get married to some transvestite?  I could’ve sworn I went you your wedding, but I’m not really sure.  I get confused sometimes.

Lamar: Well, we had a ceremony, but it wasn’t technically a real marriage, so I have agreed to not share a roof with her until we can make it legal.  We would hate to insult the institute of marriage.   We’ll do it right soon though.  We just need to have our lawyers work out the pre-nuptial agreements and find a television producer to sell the rights our reality show first.  You know, all the normal stuff.

Ron: Umm, yeah, right.  Anyway, anything I can do to help you feel more at home?

Lamar: I didn’t want to say anything at first, but now that you mention it, I would really appreciate it if you quit walking in on me when I was naked in the shower.

Ron: Really, sorry about that, dog.  That was how I endeared myself to Kobe Bryant a few years ago.  I thought it might make you feel more comfortable here.  You should have told me earlier.

Lamar: I tried actually.  I sent you a direct message on Twitter, but you have like 17 different accounts so I don’t know if I sent it to the right one.

Ron: Hey, man, it isn’t that hard.  On Mondays I tweet as @96TruWarierQB, if I am wearing my Spongebob boxer shorts I tweet as @ThugRaider37 and if I got a haircut in the last eight days I tweet as @Basketball_Ron.  I really don’t see what the problem is.

Lamar: Speaking of haircuts, I like your latest style.  I had no idea it was possible to have your career stats carved into the side of your head.  You’ve outdone your self this time.  It is really a genius idea.  I don’t get why everyone thinks you are so crazy.  To me you are like the Alfred Einstein of the NBA.

Ron: Thanks, man, that is so nice to finally hear.  That is what I have been trying to tell everyone.  I ain’t crazy.  I am the greatest mind of our century.  That’s why I punched that chubby dude in Detroit.  It was all part of my master plan to end up a Laker, not because he threw a beer at me.  Although, in all seriousness, if you ever throw a beer at me, I will kill your ass dead.  Straight up.  Maybe I am crazy… crazy like a fox!

But you just get me, dog, and I love you for that.  You know what?!?!  I have a great idea.  I am going to write a new rap song about you.  I’ll film a music video for it and everything.  Just spit some rhymes, throw it on YouTube and instant internet sensation!  I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before.  It’s enough to make me want to change my uniform number again.

Lamar: Be sure to mention my clothing company!  You can never get enough PR, right?  That’s why I “married” that wookie, Khloe Kardashian.

Well, thanks for hanging out man.  But I need to get my day started and grab some breakfast.  I am thinking of a bowl of Laffy Taffy with a side of Butterfingers.  Catch you later, homey.

THE END

Watch the rest of this raucous new smash-hit comedy when it premieres in late October at a Staples Center near you!

Tags: Fun, Lamar Odom, Ron Artest, Satire