Derek Fisher Diagnosed with Robert Horry Syndrome

Mr. and Mrs. Laker Fan, I am afraid I have some bad news about your point guard.  As we have seen all season long, something is definitely wrong with Derek Fisher.  When you first brought him to me, he presented with some very disturbing symptoms: poor defense, lack of quickness, inability to shoot and systemic ineffectiveness.  After consulting all the relevant medical and basketball journals it is clear to me that only one diagnosis fits Derek’s case.  I don’t know how to tell you this, but you may want to sit down.  Laker family, I’m afraid that Derek Fisher is suffering from Robert Horry Syndrome.

Don’t  cheer, Derek.  Robert Horry Syndrome is not a good thing.

I know that you don’t have a degree in basketball medicine like I do, but it is pretty obvious that Fisher fell victim to RHS.  He’s a veteran Laker who is past his prime but has won multiple championships and hit several awesomely clutch shots along the way, these are the only kind of people that Horry Syndrome ever affects.  RHS wouldn’t be a problem if not for the fact that it doesn’t just affect the player himself but also the team and fans of the team said player is employed by.  The effects are obvious to those outside the organization, but those on the inside remain blind to how the syndrome is impairing them.  Like so many RHS sufferers the Lakers are only able to remember the player, in this case Derek Fisher, as he was years ago before his skills were diminished.  His infrequent heroics only serve to reinforce that the player is actually still good, resulting in the team continuing to use the player in a capacity that well exceeds his present abilities.  The challenge now is figuring out how to treat the disease once you are aware of it.

In my professional experience, there is no cure for Robert Horry Syndrome, but it can be managed.  The best treatment was first discovered by the San Antonio Spurs who dealt with their own bout of RHS from 2003 through 2008 after contracting it from the Lakers.  Rather than overusing the player as the Lakers, the Spurs made the bold move of essentially burying the affected player at the end of the bench through the regular season.  This prevented the limited player from causing damage to the host team with his reduced skill set.  However, San Antonio discovered that RHS symptoms mysteriously disappear once the post-season begins and the player can once again be used freely.  This will only work for a couple of years, but in this new case, the Lakers just need to employ the regimen for the rest of the season.

Time to take a seat, Fish.

So, as your basketball doctor, my professional advice is to immediately reduce the role of the player on the team.  Limit him to a strict diet of 10 to 15 minutes per night unless absolutely necessary.  I know it will be hard to do.  All those nostalgic feelings from his previous years of dedicated work are hard to ignore, but trust me, this is the best course of treatment for everyone involved.  Everyone just needs to accept the diagnosis and make the best of it.

Now, where’s my $30 co-pay?

Tags: Analysis, Derek Fisher, Robert Horry