Lakers X-Mas List

I know it is a little late, but it is time to send Santa my Christmas list- Lakers style.There are twelve days of Christmas so I’ve got twelve items on my personal wishlist of things I would like to see happen for the Lakers this holiday season.:

• A contract extension for Kobe Bryant.  Pau Gasol already got one, so clearly all the cool kids are doing it.  You don’t want all the other kids to make fun of Kobe do you?  I didn’t think so.
• A little Nate Robinson under the tree.  The Lakers really could still use someone off the bench that can create their own shot, defend quick point guards and shoot some threes.  Robinson fits that bill to a tee and he actually would probably fit into a Christmas stocking.
• The Andrew Bynum that started the season.  The one they have now appears to be running out of batteries.
• For Boston to quit copying the Lakers.  C’mon dudes, the Lakers had an 11-game winning streak, so you had to go out and get one?  Live your own life!  What’s next?  Is Kevin Garnett going to break his finger too?  Is Kendrick Perkins going to forget how to rebound for a month?  Are they going to go out and get a token white guy to shoot threes, only he can’t really shoot.  Oh, sorry, I forgot they had Brian Scalabrine already.  My bad.  Still, eff the Celtics.
• Let Shannon dunk.  I don’t know if Shannon is really the best dunker in the league, but homeboy can throw down and the fans love him.  Considering some of the other bums that have been in the dunk contest the last few years (who is that Dwight Howard clown?), the NBA could do a lot worse than selecting a fan-favorite from the league’s most popular and respected franchise.
• Ummm, one of these.  Any one will do, I’m not picky but I do prefer blondes.
• A return of the Allan Houston rule.  The current CBA granted each team a one-time opportunity to remove a bad contract from their salary cap figure.  That time is long since passed, but it would be great if they brought it back again so the Lakers could dump Sasha Vujacic’s deal.  It would be kind of like the McRib.  It is only available for a limited time, but when it is available, it is insanely popular.
• To have Lawrence Tanter announce my life for a day.  How cool would it be to have the Lakers’ PA announcer introduce you when you walk into work?
• A muzzle.  This is so I can slap on Ron Artest and keep his freaking mouth shut.  He would be the absolute perfect player for the Lakers right now if he didn’t make some outlandish and/or inflammatory statement every other week.  If you can’t find a muzzle, I am also will to accept a ball gag, although I worry that might affect his ability to get enough oxygen during gametime.
• Anti-aging cream.  I don’t have a skin problem or anything, I am hoping to pass this on to Derek Fisher as part of a last ditch effort to turn back the clock for him for just a little while longer.  The Lakers just need to get one more season out of him and then he can ride off into the sunset, but it really looks like he started the ride a few months too early.  I don’t know if the anti-aging cream will work, but it can’t hurt to try.  At worse, Fisher will have a great looking complexion in the team photo this year.
• A restraining order against showing the Kardashians on TV at the Lakers games.  Lamar married a famous chick.  We get it.  We all get it.  Enough already.  Nobody cares even more, not even the Kardashians.
• A 2010 NBA championship.  I wish for this every year, but I think it is important the Lakers establish themselves early as the team of the new decade.  Plus another championship will go a long way towards convincing Phil Jackson to return and Jerry Buss to keep footing the team’s massive luxury tax bill.

Tags: Andrew Bynum, Christmas, Derek Fisher, Fun, Jerry Buss, Kobe Bryant, Laker Girls, Lamar Odom, Nate Robinson, Pau Gasol, Phil Jackson, Ron Artest, Sasha Vujacic, Shannon Brown